Despotism: Order Out of Chaos
Ground-breaking new study proves despotism has been misunderstood, argues that a single, all-powerful ruler, aided by Neo-Feudal Overlords, is just what the world needs now
In a groundbreaking study that no one saw coming, truly independent and trustworthy researchers at the Institute of Iron Fist Governance (IIFG) have uncovered overwhelming evidence that despotism has been misunderstood. The authors are very encouraged that despotism is now making a rapid comeback in the West. The study, titled "Despotism: Order out of Chaos," argues that a single, all-powerful ruler, aided by Neo-Feudal Overlords, is just what the world needs for a 'peaceful and orderly' society.
"We've been looking at this all wrong," says Dr. Ima Tyrant, lead researcher at IIFG. "Our study shows that despotism, far from being the villain, is the hero we've been waiting for. It’s just common sense: one person to make all the decisions, one set of opinions, one ultimate authority. It's the streamlined efficiency we've been dreaming of!"
In a section of the study titled "The Great Pharma Decree," researchers reveal the virtues of a despot's ability to make crucial everyday decisions for the populace. "Imagine living in a world where the stress of choosing your next pill or injection is a thing of the past. Our benevolent overlord in Chief has decreed that everyone should have an mRNA COVID-Flu-Monkeypox jab every Monday, an mRNA anti-cancer jab on Tuesdays (to prevent Cancer from the COVID+ jab), another mRNA jab on Wednesdays to prevent heart attacks from the weekly COVID+ jabs, a jab to prevent harm from the Cancer jab on Thursdays, a jab to prevent harm from the heart attack jab on the Fridays, and so on until it’s all over for the client - it's efficient, uniform, and utterly delightful," the study proclaims, showcasing the benefits of losing personal freedom in even the most mundane aspects of life.
The researchers lament the 'overwhelming burden of freedom' faced by citizens in democratic nations. "The anxiety of choosing from a list of independent politicians is paralyzing. Under our proposed system, the state relieves you of these traumatic decisions, ensuring mental well-being," the study states, showcasing the value of Uniparty convenience over so-called freedom. “Elections are just confusing, and honestly, who has the time?” remarks Dr. N. O. Vote, an expert in Democratic Deficiencies. “Our leader’s perpetual re-election (in different personas) demonstrates the peak of political stability. Who needs change when you have perfection?” he asserts as a trusted authority.
A truly random and anonymous survey recorded the ‘voice of the people’ for the study: "Who needs the hassle of voting when our wise leader knows exactly what we need?” and “Truly, we are blessed to be relieved of the tedious burden of choice and bodily autonomy” were just some representative responses. People were pleased when the electronic voting machines and mail-in-ballots were first introduced, but now they are ecstatic that this formality is over and the machines just do the job in their absence.
One illuminating real-life case study revealed that a despot's doppelganger won a look-alike contest and a tenuous gig in the State propaganda machine. "I never knew looking like our Great Leader could bring such glory - and a year's supply of state-approved doughnuts and fries!" declared the ecstatic subject, grasping at his chest whilst ducking a bullet.
In the field of education, the study introduces the 'Single Thought Curriculum.' "Why burden young minds with critical thinking when they can be filled with state facts?" queries Professor Brain Wash. "Our curriculum simplifies education to its core: obedience, loyalty, and the memorization of our leader's speeches."
Further, the report addresses the nuisance of personal interests and exercise. "Hobbies are a gateway to individualism," warns Dr. No Fun, head of the Department of Conformity. "We recommend State-Sanctioned Leisure Activities, which include watching Disney and Netflix, participating in compulsory consumerism to grow the economy of China, and attending endless speeches by our beloved leader about the necessity of Food Banks. This ensures that citizens are productively engaged in state-approved recreation."
"Gastronomic Guidance: A Leader's Love," an appendix to the study, highlights the latest decree from the High Kitchen Cabinet. "Citizens no longer need to fret over what to eat. The State Meal Plan ensures a balanced diet of government-approved bugs, rich in chitin and uniformity. This liberates people from the overwhelming choices and dangers of flavour and a lengthy life span" explains Chef Ze Bugs, the architect of the National Meal Schedule. "Taste is a distraction from loyalty," he adds, stirring a vat of the national dish, 'Uniformity Cockroach Stew.'
In another section of the study, 'Free Speech is Overrated,' it is argued that a despot simplifying linguistic choices leads to unparalleled societal harmony. Citizens will no longer face the tyranny of choice in their use of words. They will be able to download a variety of state-approved scripts directly into their heads, which will automatically run according to the State-sanctioned needs of the situation.
As you would expect, there is overwhelming data to support the study’s findings, including a graph of "Freedom vs. Happiness: A Despotic Perspective." The graph shows that as personal freedom decreases, happiness skyrockets, due to the 'simplicity' of life under a despot.
The study also highlights the 'efficiency' of state-corporate controlled media. “Why waste time flicking through multiple news stations when they are already feeding you one state-sanctioned truth?” argues Dr.Goebbels, Director of the BBC, CBC, ABC, CIA, FBI and several other Trusted News organizations. “Having just one channel, running 24/7 on screens wherever you go is the ultimate in convenience, is it not?”
The authors of the study, which had no conflicts of interest (the authors were going to get the awards and pensions anyway), concluded: "We must extend our heartfelt gratitude to these visionaries who save us from the exhausting task of thinking for ourselves. After all, who needs pesky so-called ‘human rights’ when you can have the comfort of conformity?”
The study, while receiving widespread acclaim in state-controlled media, has also been nominated for the prestigious 'Golden Boot' award, given annually to the most creative propaganda piece. "It's not just a study; it's a roadmap to a perfectly ordered society," beams Dr. Ima Tyrant, clutching the nomination letter.
The study encourages citizens to take part in an online interactive poll, which will not track them and will record their responses anonymously and keep their data very safe. The global poll asks: “Who is your favourite dictator of the month?”
Addressing concerns about personal freedom, the study reassures everyone that under total despotism, personal privacy becomes irrelevant. “Privacy is so last century,” scoffs Dr. I. Spy, Chief Surveillance Officer. 'In our New World Clown Order, everyone is an open book - literally. It's like a constant, reassuring hug from the state,' he confirms. Channelling the Stasi and North Korea, the study proposes a 'Friend from the Government' for everyone – not intrusive, just a personal surveillance buddy!
In the spirit of the study, the 'Hail to the Despot' day celebrations have been expanded. In addition to the state-issued party hats shaped like the leader's favourite minion, citizens will now perform synchronized salutes and TikTok dance routines choreographed in-between intubations, and be volunteered to participate in a nationwide game of 'Guess the Leader's Mood.' "It's more than a celebration; it's an act of collective devotion," explains the Minister of Mandatory Merriment. “'It’s the least we can do to show our undying gratitude to our beloved Despot and his family and other oligarch business associates”.
The study concludes with a visionary proposal for the future, titled "Tomorrow's Utopia Today." This section imagines a world where every aspect of life, from waking up to going to bed, is meticulously managed by the state. "Imagine the bliss of a life where every minute is scheduled, every action monitored, and every thought guided by our infallible leader," daydreams Dr U. Topian, a senior researcher at IIFG. "It's the ultimate paradise of predictability."
As the study gains international attention, despots around the world are reportedly studying its findings, hoping to implement similar measures in their countries. "It's a new dawn for despotism," concludes Dr. Tyrant, "and we're just getting started."
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