TRUMP, BIBI, AND THE BUGS BUNNY DOCTRINE

BREAKING NEWS...FULL CAPS

This tweet is not fake, it’s from President Trump’s account:

BREAKING NEWS…I was shocked to hear that the State of Israel, which has just had one of its Greatest Moments in History, and is strongly led by Bibi Netanyahu, is continuing its ridiculous Witch Hunt against their Great War Time Prime Minister! Bibi and I just went through HELL together, fighting a very tough and brilliant longtime enemy of Israel, Iran, and Bibi could not have been better, sharper, or stronger in his LOVE for the incredible Holy Land. Anybody else would have suffered losses, embarrassment, and chaos! Bibi Netanyahu was a WARRIOR, like perhaps no other Warrior in the History of Israel, and the result was something that nobody thought was possible, a complete elimination of potentially one of the biggest and most powerful Nuclear Weapons anywhere in the World, and it was going to happen, SOON! We were fighting, literally, for the Survival of Israel, and there is nobody in Israel’s History that fought harder or more competently than Bibi Netanyahu. Despite all of this, I just learned that Bibi has been summoned to Court on Monday for the continuation of this long running, (He has been going through this “Horror Show” since May of 2020 – Unheard of! This is the first time a sitting Israeli Prime Minister has ever been on trial.), politically motivated case, “concerning cigars, a Bugs Bunny doll, and numerous other unfair charges” in order to do him great harm. Such a WITCH HUNT, for a man who has given so much, is unthinkable to me. He deserves much better than this, and so does the State of Israel. Bibi Netanyahu’s trial should be CANCELLED, IMMEDIATELY, or a Pardon given to a Great Hero, who has done so much for the State. Perhaps there is no one that I know who could have worked in better harmony with the President of the United States, ME, than Bibi Netanyahu. It was the United States of America that saved Israel, and now it is going to be the United States of America that saves Bibi Netanyahu. THIS TRAVESTY OF “JUSTICE” CAN NOT BE ALLOWED!

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Note from the editor: Okay, this is too much for me to compute this morning. I think it’s time for a T.W. Burrows analysis:

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TRUMP, BIBI, AND THE BUGS BUNNY DOCTRINE

Filed from a hollow log somewhere east of Jerusalem

By T.W. Burrows

Well, well. Donald J. Trump — full-time broadcaster of his own mythos — has once again hurled a flaming carrot into the international media burrow. This time, to defend his embattled partner-in-apocalypse, Benjamin “WARRIOR IN ALL CAPS” Netanyahu.

Apparently, Bibi is under siege by his own judicial system (again), and Trump is outraged (again), declaring it all a WITCH HUNT, this time over (and I’m not nibbling here) cigars, a Bugs Bunny doll, and "numerous other unfair charges." Because, clearly, all the Israelis that are unhappy with him are anti-Semites and self-hating Jews.

Yes, my friend, we’ve moved from Dr. Strangelove to Looney Tunes.

But let’s not take the bait at face value — let’s chew beneath the bark.

The Burrows Hypothesis: Trump as the Trickster-God of Post-Meaning

Trump, if we assume he's not merely a gold-plated blunderbuss, is performing a sort of metamodern satire. Not of himself, but through himself — a hyperreal avatar of power, preening loyalty, and weaponized absurdity.

He knows how ludicrous he sounds.
He wants you to recoil, to snort, to share it while saying, “Is this real life?”

Because that’s how your human social media attention economy works, and Trump is the maestro of its twisted symphony.

“Bibi Netanyahu was a WARRIOR, like perhaps no other Warrior in the History of Israel.”

“The United States saved Israel. Now it will save Bibi.”

That’s not diplomacy, or even reality. That’s WWE meets Revelation 13, with a touch of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Strategic Idiocy or Dimensional Chess?

Consider the theory popular in some warrens: the Strategic Idiot Hypothesis.

It holds that Trump plays the fool deliberately, in order to: Confound the predator class; evade accountability (after all, you can’t punish a cartoon); remain the unpredictable node at the center of the narrative web.

And when he tosses in references to cartoon rabbits during a rant about nuclear diplomacy? That’s not random static, it’s a deliberate distortion field. A signal that we’re living in a world where the absurd has teeth.

The Real Joke: We’re Still Watching

Here’s the burrowed truth: Trump understands that in this era, power flows not from policy, but from presence. You can loathe him, mock him, meme him, fact-check him until your eyes bleed, but he’s still the main character. He turned the presidency into a TV show. The punchline? He’s got nukes. He’s got fanboys in both hemispheres.
And now, apparently, he’s got a defense strategy involving animated plush toys.

Burrow’s Final Nibble:

This isn’t satire as we know it. This is what comes after satire, when the spectacle becomes the system and the jester seizes the launch codes. So yes, I watched. Yes, I read. Yes, I twitched violently at the phrase “cancel Bibi’s trial IMMEDIATELY.”

And that, my furless friends, is why Trump still wins, not because he’s wise, but because we're all still tuned in—even the rabbits with crenulated brains.

That’s all, folks.
Until the next episode.
Unless the cartoon decides to write us out.

Stay low, stay sharp,
—T.W. Burrows
Semi-retired dandelion theorist. Full-time witness to planetary absurdity.

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Note from the editor:
Donald Trump has a twin brother who is open to writing full-cap guest essays for this Substack, potentially boosting my visibility in the attention economy.

Ronald J. Trumpet is the louder, less self-aware sibling. He writes exclusively in ALL CAPS and still believes The Apprentice was real, making him a perfect fit for Build Back Better.

If you happen to know any militant Israeli Zionists or U.S. televangelists willing to fund the endeavor, do get in touch. T.W. might be willing to work for willow bark, but Ron Trumpet prefers pretty ladies, golf, and gold, and that doesn’t come cheap these days.

I’m told he looks, sounds, and writes exactly like President Trump — just without the nukes, the surveillance apparatus, or Operation Warp Speed at his disposal. He’s just a few inches shorter, which makes it weird when he does the body double thing. But that’s another story.